The Boy Toy Read online

  (OS) KEITH

  I’ll be done soon.

  HELEN

  Keith, I need you now!

  KEITH enters.

  KEITH

  You sure you’re okay, Helen? You seem on edge.

  JEANINE

  (Whispering) Over the edge is more like it.

  HELEN

  Dr. Devereau here wanted to show me more of her hypnosis tricks.

  KEITH

  Is that so?

  DEVEREAU

  Yes.

  KEITH

  I was wondering why you came over. Not that I mind or anything. You’re always welcome here.

  DEVEREAU

  Thank you very much. Would you please lie down?

  KEITH lies down on the sofa.

  KEITH

  Sure. Helen, you really want me to do this a second time? I'll do anything you want, but I didn't know you were so...interested in this hypnosis stuff.

  HELEN

  I'm very interested. Just this one more time, and I'll have enough courage to do it myself. Okay?

  KEITH

  Cool. (to DEVERAU) So what’s it this time? More of me pretending to be two years old? I don’t really remember any of it, but Helen says she got a kick out of it. Too bad you didn't get to see it, Jeanine.

  JEANINE

  Oh, that's alright, Mr. Wilcox. I'm watching a pretty good show as is. Although, I wish you'd rub off on a few people here rather than them just rubbing up against you.

  HELEN

  Let the doctor do her work.

  KEITH

  Okay. After this, we’ll all go outside and look at the sun. Deal?

  DEVEREAU

  It’s a deal.

  Beat.

  JEANINE exits, almost chased as HELEN exits.

  DEVEREAU opens HER briefcase and prepares HER notepad again.

  DEVEREAU (CONT.)

  So…Keith. Why this sudden interest in astronomy?

  KEITH

  I don’t know. It’s cool?

  DEVEREAU

  I mean why such a strong interest? This seems like it could easily be a hobby, but you’re turning it into an obsession. Why is that?

  KEITH

  I guess because…it’s something new? Maybe it’s that anyone can do it. Anyone can look up into the skies and call in stuff. You can see a comet that’s going to wipe Earth off from the map before any doctor sees it. It’s cool.

  DEVEREAU

  You feel like you can include yourself in its discoveries.

  KEITH

  Yeah, that’s it! I’m not smart enough for college, but I can do this. Read a few books, know what you’re talking about, and you’re on your way to becoming a big shot.

  DEVEREAU

  Hmm.

  DEVEREU writes some notes down before putting down the pad. KEITH lies down on the couch.

  KEITH

  I guess I'm ready.

  DEVEREAU

  Good. Close your eyes. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.

  Slow fade to black.

  SCENE V

  Lights up.

  All the astronomy books and star charts are gone. In their place are candles, bottles of oils, and a stereo ready to play. JEANINE is placing flowers neatly on the bed.

  (OS) BRENDA

  You lost! You lost! You lost!

  BRENDA and HELEN enter, putting their tennis rackets on the books again.

  (OS) HELEN

  Congratula--

  HELEN notices the romance items.

  HELEN (CONT.)

  …tions. Jeanine, what the hell is going on?

  Beat.

  JEANINE

  Just following Mr. Wilcox's orders. He said to help him prepare this room for Ms. Crabtree--

  HELEN

  Ms. Crandall-Crabtree!

  JEANINE

  Yes, yes, you...To get it ready and he'd be back very soon.

  HELEN

  Damnit! Can’t he leave me alone for one minute?

  BRENDA

  Wow. Keith’s pulling out all the stops for you, isn’t he? What’d he do?

  All of HELEN’s muscles are sore as SHE investigates the love paraphernalia that JEANINE is organizing.

  HELEN

  Nothing. Actually, I wish he’d stop doing anything…over and over and over and…over.

  BRENDA

  You can say “no”, can’t you?

  JEANINE

  Hah!

  HELEN

  I’ve said and screamed no, but he can’t help himself.

  BRENDA

  He’s not a dog, Helen. Say no and mean it.

  HELEN

  I try, but then he gives me massages or whispers poems in my ear, and I feel guilty.

  BRENDA

  Guilty? You?

  JEANINE

  Really?

  Beat.

  HELEN

  Why did you give me that doctor’s name?

  BRENDA

  Dr. Devereau?

  HELEN

  Yes, that fraud! You know what I’ve gone through because of her: emotionally and physically?

  BRENDA

  This is…you mean…

  BRENDA laughs.

  HELEN

  Enjoying yourself?

  BRENDA

  I don’t know about me, but I know you sure are!

  HELEN

  You’re such a comedian.

  JEANINE

  I thought it was funny.

  BRENDA tries to stop laughing.

  BRENDA (CONT.)

  I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You poor thing.

  JEANINE

  You should have seen her yesterday. Ms. Crabtree couldn't even walk down the stairs. She had to use one of Mr. Crabtree's old canes!

  BRENDA and JEANINE laugh together.

  HELEN

  Really? You think this is helping me?

  BRENDA

  I'm sorry. I'll stop. Just...let me breathe a little.

  HELEN

  Brenda, have I ever lost a game to you before?

  BRENDA

  Almost forever ago.

  HELEN

  That’s how much pain I’m in right now.

  BRENDA

  Then call the vet and have her neuter the pup.

  HELEN

  I have a man for a boyfriend for a reason? (to JEANINE) Where is Keith?

  JEANINE

  He said it was a surprise.

  HELEN yells out to the rest of the house.

  HELEN

  Keith?!?

  JEANINE

  Ooh, and just when I thought the screaming had stopped.

  (OS) KEITH

  Just a sec! I’m almost done!

  BRENDA

  Oh pray tell, with what?

  HELEN

  Quit it.

  (OS) KEITH

  Okay, I’m ready.

  BRENDA

  So are we!

  KEITH enters dressed as a sexy pirate usually found on the front of cheap romance novels. He gives a good “Argh!” before realizing HELEN isn’t alone. BRENDA can’t help but laugh. JEANINE can't help but stare.

  KEITH

  Oh, I’m sorry Brenda. I thought you’d finish by the time I got dressed. Who won?

  JEANINE

  Ms. Ralston.

  KEITH

  Way to go, Brenda!

  BRENDA

  Thank…thank…

  BRENDA laughs again.

  JEANINE

  My, my...my! I'm feeling a little warm. How about you girls?

  HELEN

  Why are you dressed like that?

  KEITH

  You said you were getting bored, so I thought we might try a little role-play.

  BRENDA

  Oh, how cute!

  KEITH

  Thanks.

  HELEN

  And the candles and the flowers?

  KEITH

  I was going for a theme.

  HELEN

  Where did y
ou get all of this?

  KEITH

  Jeanine helped me.

  HELEN

  (to JEANINE) Really?

  JEANINE

  I...whoo! I better...check...the guest bathrooms upstairs. I'm sure they're in need of a good rubbing...polishing...cleaning! Yes, a good, good cleaning.

  JEANINE exits.

  BRENDA

  Well…I should leave you two alone.

  HELEN stops BRENDA from exiting, pinning BRENDA between HELEN and KEITH.

  HELEN

  No! Stay! Uhh…it’s been a long time since the three of us has spent time together. Brenda, please, please stay.

  KEITH

  I was kind of doing this all for you Helen, but if you’re into that…I guess we all could do this together. I never thought you and you were that close, but I can share.

  BRENDA

  No, no! I’m not one to get in the way of true love. Helen, I’ll see you later.

  HELEN

  (Whispered) No, don’t leave me alone with…

  KEITH

  Have a nice day.

  BRENDA exits.

  (OS) BRENDA

  Don’t forget to use protection.

  SFX: door closes.

  KEITH

  I was willing. Oh well. So…

  KEITH starts to massage HELEN.

  KEITH (CONT.)

  …are you ready for your tall, dark, seafaring warrior from the depths of the Caribbean Sea?

  HELEN moves away.

  HELEN

  No, I am not! Have you been reading my romance novels?

  KEITH

  I had to figure out how to spice it up somehow. I’m not very smart on these things, so I read some books.

  HELEN

  How many?

  KEITH

  All of them.

  HELEN

  All of them?!?

  KEITH

  Didn’t take me too long.

  KEITH moves towards HELEN, but HELEN moves away.

  HELEN

  No, stay back!

  KEITH chases HER.

  KEITH

  I’ll get me lady prisoner now! Argh!

  KEITH chases HELEN around the furniture.

  HELEN

  Wait!

  KEITH stops.

  HELEN (CONT.)

  You know what gets me really hot?

  KEITH

  No. What?

  HELEN

  You really want to know?

  KEITH

  Oooooh yeah.

  HELEN

  Bondage.

  KEITH

  You’re kinky.

  KEITH gets a bag out from hiding and pulls out some rope.

  KEITH (CONT.)

  Good thing I am too. We can pretend they’re shackles.

  KEITH moves to tie up HELEN.

  HELEN

  On you!

  KEITH

  On me?

  HELEN

  Yeah…I love to beat my men into submission.

  KEITH

  Okay, okay. I can roll with this.

  HELEN

  Tie yourself up sweetheart and let’s get this show on the road.

  KEITH sits down and ties the rope around HIS legs.

  KEITH

  I bought the good kind of rope. Japanese passion bondage rope. It doesn't burn your skin when you tug at it. Can you help? I can’t tie up myself.

  HELEN quickly helps, but KEITH gets a few kisses in before SHE pulls back.

  HELEN

  And you can't escape?

  KEITH

  If I could, I’d be on you right now.

  HELEN

  Good point.

  HELEN gets her cellular phone and dials.

  KEITH

  Bondage and phone sex? Whatever does it for you babe.

  HELEN

  (to KEITH) Shhh! (to DEVEREAU) Dr. Devereau?...It’s Helen…You know who I am! Come over here now!

  KEITH

  The doctor? Man, you really want this threesome.

  HELEN

  Yes, that’s him now…He won’t leave me alone. All he wants is sex, sex, sex!...You think that’s normal, do you? He’s tied up and wearing a Halloween costume...

  KEITH tries to get her into the mood.

  HELEN (CONT.)

  ...and he’s still trying to have sex with me…I don’t care if that’s what you think I asked for, it’s not what I wanted.

  KEITH

  What are you talking about, babe?

  HELEN

  Get here now!!!...I’ll pay the fee, just get here quick!

  HELEN hangs up the phone.

  KEITH

  So what fun tools is the doc bringing over?

  HELEN

  Oh!

  HELEN exits.

  KEITH

  Helen? Babe? Where’d you go?

  KEITH stands up and hops out of the room.

  Quick fade to black.

  SCENE VI

  Quick lights up.

  KEITH is patiently waiting on the couch as HE is tied up with even more rope. JEANINE is putting up all of the candles, oils, and all into trash bags.

  HELEN practically pushes DEVEREAU into the room.

  HELEN

  Look at him! Look what you did to him.

  KEITH

  Hey, doc.

  JEANINE

  Hello, doctor.

  DEVEREAU puts down HER suitcase.

  DEVEREAU

  What did you do to him?

  HELEN

  I couldn’t take it any longer. I lost at tennis against Brenda. I never lose!

  KEITH

  I’m sorry to hear that babe. Come over here and I’ll make you feel better.

  JEANINE swats KEITH.

  JEANINE

  Stop it.

  DEVEREAU

  Simple exhaustion is to be expected considering what you asked me to do.

  HELEN

  You don’t understand. I was getting sick. Physically ill we were doing it so much. I thought he was getting normal again, but then he jumps out wearing a costume and asking Brenda if she’s into ménage à trois.

  KEITH

  I was only asking for you, babe.

  JEANINE

  Not the first time I've heard that one.

  HELEN grabs DEVEREAU by the collar.

  HELEN

  I can’t take much more of this. You fix him now. For good!

  DEVEREAU

  Helen, please calm down and let go of me.

  HELEN lets go.

  DEVEREAU (CONT.)

  Can you please allow me to defend myself?

  KEITH

  You don’t have to apologize for anything doc. You didn't do anything wrong. I’m just as I--

  DEVEREAU

  Keith, sleep now.

  DEVEREAU snaps HIS fingers, and KEITH falls asleep on the couch.

  JEANINE

  How did you do that?

  DEVEREAU

  It’s a failsafe. Please listen to me, Helen. The majority of the human population is moderately susceptible to subliminal messaging, but there are exceptions. Some might not be hypnotizable at all, while others can be extremely so, or "extremely suggestible". Take Keith for example.

  HELEN

  Yes.

  DEVEREAU

  Every suggestion I’ve given him so far has been taken to the extreme. I ask him to take an interest in astronomy, it becomes an obsession. I ask him to be more physically accommodating, and he becomes a sex addict.

  JEANINE

  And how!

  Beat.

  JEANINE

  I'll go start throwing this stuff away. (Whispered) Maybe there's some unfortunate sex addicts living out back in the dumpsters.

  JEANINE takes some trash bags and exits.

  HELEN

  Look, I don’t care why he does what he does. It’s your job to make him do exactly what I want him to do. That’s what I paid for, and so far I’m not satisfied. Con
fidentiality be damned, I bet the police will arrest you once I show them you’ve broken my boyfriend!

  DEVEREAU

  Look…alright. Let’s settle this as adults. I will waive my fee for tonight.

  HELEN

  That’s not good enough. I want you to come back and hypnotize Keith as many times as it takes to get him how I want him.

  DEVEREAU

  I’m afraid that’s impossible.

  HELEN

  Why?

  DEVEREAU

  My main office is located in Quebec, and I have to return there tonight.

  HELEN

  What?!?

  DEVEREAU

  I only come to LA when I’m called by very high-paying clients.

  HELEN

  How high?

  DEVEREAU

  Higher than you’re capable of affording if my current fees are troubling to you.

  HELEN

  How…how are you going to help me if Keith comes out wrong again?

  DEVEREAU

  Here.

  DEVEREAU opens HER briefcase and hands HELEN an envelope.