You Know The Story Read online



  You Know the Story

  By

  Justin Blasdel

  Justin Blasdel

  7/05/2009

  Version 1

  [email protected]

  Characters

  Euno; blind prophet

  Yalena; lowly servant

  Prince Cosmo; oppressed dancer

  King Leander; foolish father

  Queen Hillary; dimwit mother

  Mastidia; witch of the Red Reed Bog

  Doris; hippie goblin

  Xander; prideful warrior

  Precious; lonely troll

  Hebe; Monkey Twin 1

  Steve; Monkey Twin 2

  Time

  A mythic and ancient time.

  Place

  Kingdom of Atalante

  Within a castle. There is a throne in the middle with chairs to the right and left; a throne for the King, and the others for the Queen and Prince. There is a doorway to the rest of the castle and a window overlooking the lands below.

  EUNO, the Blind Prophet, feels HIS way into the empty room. HE is old and very insane, but HE can see what cannot be seen. HE can sense the spiritual world and the inner workings of the gods.

  EUNO

  Who’s there? Who goes there?

  EUNO goes over to the audience and feels from person to person.

  EUNO

  Uh huh, uh huh, I see. Ah! I know why you’re here. You see, I see, even though I don’t see. You see?

  EUNO leaves the audience alone.

  EUNO

  You do see. Yes you do! You, and you, and you, and you. Yes…definitely you. You are here because you can smell it. Strong smell too. You smell…the story! A story is about to happen. The Fates are weaving their threads; around and around, around and around. Come. Come and wrap yourselves in this magical tale of witches, monsters, and blind prophets! Well…one prophet. Me.

  EUNO walks up to the audience and shakes someone’s hand.

  EUNO

  Hi. I’m Euno, blind prophet and world-famous cook, mostly for my finger foods. Here’s my card.

  EUNO hands over a business card to the audience member.

  EUNO

  Call me whenever you get in trouble. My powers are available everyday 9am till 6pm.

  EUNO realizes HE should have been telling the story.

  EUNO

  Oh! Sorry. You know, business. Hey…you know, Euno…that’s catchy. I should market that. Oh well, on with the story!

  EUNO points directly at Prince COSMO who enters from the door and sits down.

  COSMO is a young man filled with dreams and ideas on how to make the world a better place. However, all this wisdom offers no aid on how to convince HIS father to let HIM live in peace.

  EUNO

  Oh good. There you are. Stay.

  Short beat.

  EUNO

  Stay. This is the famous Prince Cosmo! Heir to the Atalante throne, son of the brave King Leander, and a pretty good seamstress.

  COSMO

  Hey!

  EUNO rubs HIS clothes.

  EUNO

  Just feel this embroidery!

  COSMO

  You swore you’d never tell!

  EUNO

  But all is not well. King Leander is ashamed of his son. The King wants a strong, brave, mighty warrior to inherit the kingdom. Prince Cosmo…not so much. Any other heirs to the crown? Not really. Only Prince Cosmo is left. The Atalante kingdom needs its Prince. King Leander needs an heir.

  EUNO points to an audience member.

  EUNO

  That man needs to use the latrine and wishes he had before going to this four hour play.

  EUNO nods, then shakes HIS head.

  EUNO

  It’s not four hours. I promise. It’s five. Everyone needs something from Prince Cosmo, but what does Prince Cosmo need? What does his heart desire?

  EUNO exits.

  COSMO slowly shifts around the throne room, gradually moving more in dancing rhythms as the song progresses.

  COSMO

  I am a Prince.

  I was born to rule.

  I carry around this crown of gold and jewels.

  My father is King.

  My mother is Queen.

  And I feel like such a tool.

  They don’t ask what I want.

  They don’t care how I feel.

  They make sure I am strong and genteel.

  I don’t want this.

  I cannot exist

  Unless I’m allowed to reveal…

  I like to dance.

  I love to dance.

  I must move my legs around until I fall.

  I love to dance.

  I live to dance.

  My arms will flail around until I’m called

  To put on the very best show known to man

  Where no one will ever lose their attention span,

  Because they’ll be watching the best dancer with a perfect tan.

  It’ll be the best show known to man.

  YALENA enters. SHE is a simple, goodhearted servant of the royal family who has an inability to keep HER opinions to HERSELF. SHE loves to contribute to any conversation, but is at a loss when SHE actually has to do something.

  COSMO

  Ah, my favorite friend Yalena. How goes your day today?

  YALENA

  Not to well.

  COSMO

  Oh?

  YALENA

  Your father had me clean the royal latrine today.

  COSMO

  That doesn’t sound too bad.

  YALENA

  While he was using it.

  COSMO

  Ugh! What a horrible day you’ve had. Here, I’ll make you feel all better.

  YALENA

  How on Earth can you do that?

  COSMO

  I will dance for you.

  YALENA

  But your father has forbidden it!

  COSMO

  The same man that made you wash his toilet?

  YALENA looks around.

  YALENA

  Go on ahead and dance your head off.

  COSMO

  Will do!

  COSMO convinces YALENA to dance with HIM.

  COSMO

  I live to dance.

  I exist to dance.

  If no one sees my moves I’ll just die.

  YALENA

  Oh no!

  COSMO

  I exist to dance.

  I was born to dance.

  To do anything else would be a lie.

  I will not deny my artistic calling

  To make people smile and hear them applauding

  At my perfect, beautiful, and quite enthralling

  Desire to dance.

  COSMO ends HIS song.

  YALENA

  Oh, that was fun! Now back to your brooding and no more dancing. If your father sees you moving around and having a good time, he’ll throw a fit and won’t enjoy tonight’s public beheadings.

  YALENA goes to work meticulously dusting every square inch of the throne room.

  COSMO

  He’s so…so…ugh, you know? He’s always telling me what to do. Like the other day, we were walking down the street, being all mightier than thou, and a peasant accidentally coughs on me. Father tossed his sword at me and ordered me to execute the guy.

  YALENA

  Because the man coughed on you?

  COSMO

  Yeah!

  YALENA

  What did you do?

  COSMO

  I couldn’t do it. Father left me there with the sword and said I couldn’t’ come home without the guy’s head in my hand.

  YALENA

 
What’d you do?

  COSMO

  I…became friends with the guy.

  YALENA

  Really?

  COSMO

  Yeah, really. His name is Michael. He has six kids, and he’s a grave digger.

  YALENA

  That’s a nice job these days. Lots of business. So how’d you come back home?

  COSMO

  He had a few extra heads on hand. He likes to take his work home with him.

  YALENA

  Oh.

  COSMO

  But…my father!

  YALENA

  And your mother.

  COSMO

  God! I don’t even have enough strength to talk about her right now.

  YALENA

  Don’t worry about that. Forget I said anything. You just sit down, relax, and don’t’ let any of that bother you now.

  YALENA goes over to massage COSMO’s shoulders.

  COSMO

  Yalena, what would I do without you?

  YALENA

  Probably hire my sister.

  COSMO

  No. You’re the only one I can trust. Besides, you’re a great dance partner.

  Beat.

  LEANDER (OS)

  What’s this I hear about dancing?

  YALINDA runs away from COSMO and goes back to dusting before King LEANDER and Queen HILLARY enter.

  LEANDER is strong, brave, and laughs in the face of death…from a far distance. When it comes to HIS family, HE’s all thumbs and tries to solve every problem by force.

  HILLARY is beautiful, almost too delicate for life, and lacks any higher brain functions. HER passions overrun HER better judgment, but SHE usually tries to do the right thing.

  COSMO

  Leave me alone.

  HILLARY

  Cosmo, you answer your King.

  COSMO

  You mean my father.

  LEANDER

  I’m not sure about that one.

  HILLARY

  Leander!

  LEANDER

  I was conquering enemies to the North when your mother got pregnant. Why I left my third cousin Jeffery behind to protect her, I’ll never know.

  HILLARY

  Oooh, Jeffery…was a perfect gentleman!

  LEANDER

  I’m sure.

  YALENA

  That Jeffery, always handling the ladies up and down the castle walls when he visits. I remember one time, he and I…

  Beat.

  YALENA goes back to cleaning.

  LEANDER

  I don’t want to hear any more about you and dancing. You’ll never be a king and a dancer!

  COSMO

  Then I won’t be a king!

  LEANDER

  You have to be King! There’s no one else.

  YALENA

  What about Jefferey?

  HILLARY

  Oooh, Jeffery.

  LEANDER

  Jeffery’s living out the rest of his life on that island I put him on, and that’s that! Cosmo…Cosmo…

  LEANDER kindly pats HIS son on the back.

  LEANDER (CONT.)

  Cosmo. If you don’t become King, then who will rule Atalante?

  COSMO

  The people.

  LEANDER

  What people?

  COSMO

  All of the people. They have the right to control their own destiny.

  HILLARY

  You mean let the people rule themselves?

  LEANDER

  That’s ridiculous!

  YALENA

  That would be a nice change.

  COSMO

  Think about it. Instead of one person ruling over hundreds or even thousands of people, those people can appoint their own representatives to make decisions based on popular demand.

  LEANDER

  Silence! I will not hear this lunacy from my own son.

  COSMO

  If I am your son.

  HILLARY

  Oooh, Jeffery.

  LEANDER

  Get out of my sight! Go to your chambers and stay there until you start acting like a real king.

  COSMO

  I’m going to be the best dancer in the world, and you can’t stop me!

  COSMO exits.

  LEANDER

  Don’t you dare prance up those stairs young man! Cosmo!

  Beat.

  LEANDER (CONT.)

  I don’t know what to do with him. If he doesn’t stop dancing all over the place, Atalante will fall apart. I wish there was a way to make him man-up. You know, scare him into something else than a lousy dancer.

  YALENA

  I think he’s pretty good.

  HILLARY

  Don’t worry dear. I’m sure something will happen.

  SFX: thunder and wind.

  LEANDER

  What was that?

  YALENA

  Sounds like your something is coming.

  SFX: thunder and wind.

  The evil witch MASTIDIA cackles.

  MASTIDIA is the stereotypical evil witch; old, ugly, and angry at everyone. SHE learned HER magic from the dangerous bogs SHE was raised in, and HER perception of normal people is twisted and jaded.

  LEANDER, HILLARY, and YALENA huddle around, fearful of the storm.

  MASTIDIA (OS)

  I have come for ye.

  LEANDER

  Who?

  MASTIDIA (OS)

  Ye!!!

  HILLARY

  Ye?

  MASTIDIA (OS)

  Yes, ye!

  YALENA

  Who says ye anymore?

  LEANDER

  Who are you? What are you doing in my castle?

  MASTIDIA (OS)

  Ohh!

  MASTIDIA enters by crawling in through the window.

  YALENA

  You know, we have a nice set of stairs just down the hallway.

  MASTIDIA

  Still yer tongue, or I’ll rip it out yer mouth and make a sandwich!

  LEANDER walks over to MASTIDIA.

  LEANDER

  Who are you to order my servant around in my-

  MASTIDIA grabs a hold of LEANDER and throws him across the room. HILLARY and YALENA go to HIS aid.

  HILLARY

  Honey, are you okay?

  YALENA

  Wow! She threw you like a rag doll.

  MASTIDIA

  Ye have caused me much suffering!

  LEANDER

  Who are you?

  MASTIDIA

  I am the terrible, legendry old witch of the Red Reed Bog. Children sing songs of me evil curses, grown men run away from me effigies of torture, livestock weaken and grow sickly in me presence, and –

  YALENA

  -That’s all very nice, but who are you?

  Beat.

  LEANDER

  Don’t mind her. She’s as crazy as the moon. Dropped on the head as a baby I swear.

  YALENA

  I was not dropped on my-

  LEANDER and HILLARY hold their hands over YALENA’s mouth.

  HILLARY

  Sorry about that. Please, go ahead.

  Beat.

  MASTIDIA

  I…am Mastidia.

  Beat.

  MASTIDIA (CONT.)

  Mastidia.

  Beat.

  HILLARY

  Pretty name, but I don’t know you. I’m sorry.

  MASTIDIA

  I am the witch of the Red Reed Bog! How do you not know my name?

  HILLARY

  I don’t know that bog. I know about the Brown Water Bog.

  YALENA breaks free.

  YALENA

  Isn’t that where the sewers empty out?

  MASTIDIA

  It is the Red Reed Bog! (to LEANDER) And ye ordered the dumping of sewage in my home!

  YALENA

  There’s that ye business again.

  LEANDER

  I am the king! I can order anything I
want!

  MASTIDIA

  Ye will pay for ruining my home!

  HILLARY

  What are you going to do to us?

  MASTIDIA

  I, Mastidia, she whose home was disgraced by ye all, will curse ye just as horribly as I was. I…will take away yer son!

  SFX: Lighting.

  MASTIDIA (CONT.)

  Yes, I shall steal away yer only son Prince Cosmo, and he’ll live with me in the stench of yer own making!

  YALENA

  King Leander, do something!

  LEANDER

  He’s up in his room.

  MASTIDIA cackles and exits.

  HILLARY

  Leander!

  YALENA

  King!

  LEANDER

  What? SHE has the strength of ten men!

  YALENA

  And the body odor too, but she’s going to take Prince Cosmo!

  LEANDER

  Who knows? This could be a good experience for him.

  HILLARY

  What?

  MASTIDIA cackles.

  SFX: thunder and wind.

  YALENA, LEANDER, and HILLARY run to the window.

  HILLARY

  She’s flying away with Cosmo!

  YALENA