The Boy Toy Read online

  DEVEREAU

  Some details about your personality. For example, what is your occupation?

  KEITH

  I’m a lifeguard down at Santa Monica.

  DEVEREAU

  And why did you choose that profession?

  KEITH

  Are you kidding?!? I get to swim and watch half-naked women…women in bathing suits sunbathe all day. I met Helen on the job. She invited me to eat at Da Vinci Ristorante. It was really good. I even wore a suit and tie. Helen and I had a good meal, a good time, and a good night. We haven’t left each other since.

  DEVEREAU

  Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

  DEVEREAU notices KEITH is focusing on the chessboard.

  DEVEREAU (CONT.)

  Ivory has the advantage.

  KEITH

  You sure about that? I don’t know. If you move this over to-

  DEVEREAU

  -could you please move a little closer. I can’t have you concentrating on a simple game when I need all your focus on me.

  KEITH

  Okay. Sorry.

  KEITH leaves the chessboard.

  DEVEREAU

  So does it trouble you that Helen is much older than you?

  KEITH

  Listen, doc. I’m a pretty fine guy. I’ve been getting lucky since I was fourteen. I have no problems getting women. But... I’ve been with 9’s and 10’s all my life, and I’ve learned a lot from it. The biggest thing I’ve learned is the better they look, the stupider they are. I can’t talk to them. How long can one person go on and on about skin treatments? It’s crazy. Helen, now she’s mature. I feel like I’m with someone on the same level as me. You know?

  DEVEREAU

  I think I do. So you’re attracted to Helen for reasons other than her looks?

  KEITH

  Ahhh, I see what you’re doing. No, I’m not with Helen for money. I'm happy living on my own in a studio apartment eating ramen for the rest of my life so long as I have an ocean to swim in every day.

  DEVEREAU

  That's very minimalist of you.

  Beat.

  KEITH

  Thanks. So are we going to do this or not? I don’t mind answering your questions, but Helen will get moody if we don’t do this soon.

  DEVEREAU

  I quite agree. Lie down.

  KEITH lies down on the sofa.

  KEITH

  Can I use a pillow?

  DEVEREAU

  Please.

  KEITH puts a pillow underneath HIS head.

  DEVEREAU

  Are you comfortable?

  KEITH

  Yup.

  DEVEREAU puts the notepad to the side and prepares.

  KEITH (CONT.)

  Be careful when you get in my head. There’s a lot going on in there, and I don’t want you to get lost.

  DEVEREAU

  I’ll do my best. Close your eyes. Feel your body relaxing. Feel your legs relaxing. Feel your arms relaxing. Feel your head relaxing. Feel your whole body relaxing. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.

  Slow fade to black.

  SCENE III

  Lights up.

  On the table, chairs, and sofa lay books on astronomy and astrophysics along with empty plates and glasses.

  HELEN enters dressed in very seductive clothes and is searching for KEITH.

  HELEN

  Damn.

  JEANINE enters.

  JEANINE

  My, my! Looks like our own little observatory in here, doesn't it? Who knew Mr. Wilcox would breathe some intelligence back into this room?

  HELEN looks through the books and tosses them about, annoyed and frustrated. JEANINE picks them up one by one, unseen by HELEN. KEITH walks in with a box under HIS arm; a box for a personal telescope.

  KEITH

  Hey, babe. Hey, Jeanine.

  JEANINE

  Hello, Mr.--

  HELEN

  Where have you been?

  JEANINE tidies up the room as KEITH and HELEN speak...as best as she can.

  KEITH

  You know where I’ve been. You told me to keep all my astronomy stuff in this room.

  HELEN

  I mean where have you been for me? I’ve hardly seen you for a week. Tonight’s our special night. You have anything…special planned for me?

  KEITH

  Yeah!

  HELEN

  Good.

  KEITH

  I bought us a present.

  HELEN

  For us? That sounds exotic. What is it?

  KEITH holds up the box.

  JEANINE

  They make lady toys that big these days?

  KEITH

  It's a telescope!

  HELEN

  A…telescope. A telescope?

  KEITH

  Yeah, so we can watch the stars together.

  KEITH puts the box near the door.

  KEITH (CONT.)

  We’ll put that together later. We have to spend some time together.

  HELEN

  Yes. Thank you. Finally! So...where to? The bedroom? The hot tub?

  KEITH

  Here’s fine.

  JEANINE

  Don't mind me. (Whispered) No one else does.

  HELEN

  I don’t like this room…but…I guess its fine, but take town Richard’s portrait.

  KEITH

  Why do I need to do that?

  HELEN

  Keith, that’s a picture of my late husband. Can’t you figure that one out?

  JEANINE

  (Whispered) Like it's ever stopped you before?

  KEITH

  I don’t see how he’d be a problem while we look at star charts.

  Beat.

  HELEN

  Star charts?

  KEITH

  Yeah. We need to pick out a star to look at.

  HELEN

  Why?

  KEITH

  Did you know that astronomy is the only field of science where normal, average people can still contribute?

  HELEN

  I didn’t know that.

  KEITH

  So what I figured is if we pick out a star together, we can watch it every night and report to NASA anything unusual we see. We’ll need a bigger telescope than this, but this is all I could afford. It’s a learning tool.

  KEITH grabs a few star charts.

  KEITH (CONT.)

  You look at these…

  HE hands them over to HELEN.

  KEITH (CONT.)

  …and I’ll look at these. It’ll be fun!

  JEANINE

  Thank you for making more work for me, Mr. Wilcox. I was afraid of running out soon.

  KEITH and HELEN continue to unfold the charts until they practically cover most of the room.

  HELEN

  We’re going to look at all of these?

  KEITH

  Yeah. Hey, here’s a good one. I better mark it.

  KEITH puts a post-it on the star.

  HELEN

  Didn’t you get enough of this at the museum?

  KEITH

  No way! The museum’s nice and all, and it was nicer with you there with me.

  KEITH kisses HELEN.

  KEITH (CONT.)

  But Helen, astronomy isn’t something you read about and leave alone. You have to observe as you learn! That’s how it’s fun! Hey, there’s another.

  KEITH puts a post-it on another star.

  HELEN

  Keith, let’s put this to the side for now. I’ve missed you. I’ve really, really, really missed you.

  HELEN plays with KEITH’s ear.

  HELEN (CONT.)

  You can leave your studies alone for a little while, can’t you?

  KEITH

  I guess I can.

  HELEN and KEITH fondle and kiss each other, eventually falling onto the star chart.

  JEANINE

  (to HERSELF) "Jeanine, could you p
lease come and help me?" Oh, someone in the other room needs my help. I'll go and take care of that immediately.

  JEANINE exits.

  JEANINE (OS)

  My dear! It looks like they need help emptying another bottle of wine. Don't mind if I do.

  HELEN

  There’s my little beach bum. Come and take me on a bed of stars.

  KEITH continues until finding a good star on the chart.

  KEITH

  There!

  HELEN

  Yes, right there!

  KEITH jumps up and gets some paper to write down the information.

  HELEN

  Wha…wha…

  KEITH

  What? Oh, I found us a good star. I’ll check the coordinates and see if it’s in the sky right now or if we have to wait till winter.

  KEITH opens a book.

  HELEN

  Do you have to do that right now?!?

  KEITH

  What’s the problem, babe? I’m doing this for us.

  HELEN

  You can do something for me right now!

  KEITH

  But isn’t this cool for you too? We can watch the heavens every night, but we don’t! Why not? I can’t believe I’ve ignored something this awesome for so long.

  HELEN

  Whatever.

  HELEN gets up to leave.

  KEITH

  Wait, I want to share this with you.

  HELEN

  I'm not in the mood to share.

  KEITH

  Come on, Helen. Try. Do you know how stars are made?

  HELEN

  No. I don't.

  KEITH

  First, you start off with a cloud of gas. Then a shock wave from an exploding star or colliding galaxies throws the gas together and creates gravity.

  HELEN gets the idea to start undressing KEITH as HE talks.

  KEITH (CONT.)

  When enough gas collects, it’s a proto-star. It takes fifteen million years to turn into a real star. Fifteen million years!

  HELEN

  Sure.

  KEITH

  The lightest gasses, like helium and hydrogen, comes together in the center, and the gravity makes it so hot that it creates nuclear fusion. Fusion! We can’t even make fusion yet.

  HELEN

  So interesting. Move your legs.

  KEITH

  What? Okay.

  KEITH moves HIS legs for HELEN to take off his pants.

  KEITH (CONT.)

  This fusion stuff turns the helium and hydrogen into other stuff. Did you know that every element in our bodies was made in a star? Isn’t that incredible?!?

  KEITH is mostly naked by now.

  HELEN

  Yes! It’s incredible! I’m glad you’re sharing all this information with me! Can you please spend a little more time on me now?

  JEANINE enters with a glass of wine in hand, not noticing the undressed KEITH.

  JEANINE

  I didn't hear the usual shouting of satisfaction, and I worried that...

  JEANINE notices.

  JEANINE (CONT.)

  Oh, good. Business as usual.

  JEANINE continues to clean.

  KEITH

  I’m gonna set this up outside right now.

  KEITH grabs the box and exits.

  HELEN

  Keith! Keith!

  (OS) KEITH

  Come out and help me! You’ll learn something!

  Beat.

  HELEN

  Jeanine, get me Dr. Devereau's number now.

  JEANINE

  But I thought you wanted me to--

  HELEN

  Now, Jeanine!

  JEANINE

  Fine, yell at the top of your lungs. Doesn't mean I'll find it any faster does it? Now where did I put that address book?

  Beat.

  HELEN

  Jeanine!

  JEANINE

  Oh, I just remembered where I put it last. I'll go get it. (Whispered) Let's just see how much yelling it takes me to remember the difference between 'white wash' and 'dry cleaning' on laundry day.

  JEANINE exits. HELEN exits towards KEITH outside.

  (OS) HELEN

  Keith! Keith don’t put that thing on the diving board. You’re going to fall--

  SFX: splashing water

  Quick fade to black.

  SCENE IV

  Quick lights up.

  The same astronomy books lie all over the room as KEITH and DEVEREAU enter. DEVEREAU places HER briefcase down by a chair.

  KEITH

  You see, doc, I had no idea how interesting all this stuff could be. Did you know that it takes eight minutes for the sun’s light to hit us? The sun could explode and we’d still think everything was okay until we blew up! Wear your SPF one million sunscreen if that ever happens, right?

  DEVEREAU

  Interesting.

  KEITH

  I know! And look here.

  KEITH opens up a book to show to DEVEREAU.

  KEITH (CONT.)

  You know what this is?

  DEVEREAU

  Without reading the caption, no.

  KEITH

  The Andromeda galaxy. It’s the closest spiral galaxy to the Milky Way. And look here, know what this is?

  DEVEREAU

  I do not.

  KEITH

  It’s the Andromeda galaxy, but in infrared vision! We can take pictures of stuff in the galaxy just from its heat.

  DEVEREAU

  How much time have you been spending on studying astronomy since we last met?

  HELEN enters.

  HELEN

  Non-stop.

  DEVEREAU

  Really?

  KEITH

  And that’s not all. We can take pictures from X-rays, gamma waves, ultraviolet rays, even radio waves! Wonder what those aliens been listening to, right? Maybe those cool rock stations.

  HELEN

  Keith.

  KEITH

  Oh! And I haven’t even started studying Mars’ meteorological--

  HELEN

  Keith!

  KEITH

  Yeah, babe?

  HELEN

  I bet Dr. Devereau would be fascinated by your sun-watching telescope we bought yesterday. Why don’t you go outside and set it up for her?

  DEVEREAU

  I would love to see what you’ve been working on lately.

  KEITH

  Sure! I’ll go out there right now. Give me a few minutes. I’ll find a good sunspot for you.

  KEITH exits.

  Beat.

  HELEN

  You did this.

  DEVEREAU

  I will admit that the session worked more efficiently than I expected.

  HELEN

  He won’t shut up about astronomy. He’s so interested in galaxies, infrared pictures, and pulsars that he doesn’t even see me anymore. I practically threw myself on him, but he didn’t even notice. This is not what I wanted.

  JEANINE enters holding many books on astrology.

  JEANINE

  Mr. Wilcox, I have those books you asked for from the library, and I...Hello, Dr. Devereau. It's nice to have you visiting us again. Business or pleasure?

  HELEN glares and JENINE.

  JEANINE (CONT.)

  Business, just as I guessed. Does the good doctor have an appetite for more of my cooking delights? Perhaps some asparagus dip or a--

  DEVERAU

  No thank you! Please, I'm fine.

  JEANINE

  As you wish. (Whispering) Seeing as how you're handing those out, I might put in a wish for Ms. Crabtree to learn the meaning of "a raise".

  HELEN

  (to JEANINE) It's Ms. Crandall-Crabtree!

  JEANINE puts the library books up on an empty shelf and goes back to cleaning the room.

  DEVEREAU

  Helen, it’s not a matter of fixing him. I implanted the necessary desires for him
to become interested in astronomy, but not a fanatic. His subconscious has acted in that manner entirely of its own making.

  HELEN

  What? He was never like this before you came. You know what? I don’t want to argue about it. Fix him.

  DEVEREAU

  And how would I go about doing that?

  HELEN

  That’s your job, not mine.

  JEANINE

  (Whispering) I didn't know she had a job to begin with.

  DEVEREAU

  I mean, in what way do you want me to fix him? What specifically is your problem with him at this moment?

  HELEN

  Okay, here's my problem with him at this moment. Astronomy is interesting, but it doesn't replace all those other things Keith and I do alone together.

  Beat.

  DEVEREAU

  Understood. Call him in here and I’ll treat him to another session. Don’t worry. I won’t charge you this time.

  HELEN

  Good, because I wasn’t offering to pay. (to outside) Keith!