BothAnd Read online

Both/And

  By

  Justin Blasdel

  8/12/10

  Version 1

  [email protected]

  Characters

  Rene D'Cart: Philosophically Tortured Young Woman

  Cogito: Human Desire to Understand

  Announcer: Traditional Game Show Host

  Tindal: 1950's Mad Scientist Rock Star

  Lemonade Salesman: Joe Blow Selling Lemonade

  Zsuzsanna: African Witch/Warrior

  Prof. Lexathor: Choral Faith Leader

  Kierkegaard: Haughty Paragon of Truth

  Soul: Innocence and Simplicity

  Time

  At night.

  Place

  In a dream.

  PRODUCTION NOTES: The whole play is set in one person's dream world. The more fluid and softer transition of scenes, the better. Lighting and music is very important to the atmosphere. If the exact song cannot be legally acquired, then a similar second choice is preferred. The TV is important, but not completely necessary. It can be replaced with a radio or by the theatre's sound system. The gender of COGITO is written to be neutral, but either gender of actor can play the part. The LEMONADE SALESMAN can easily be played as female instead. The SOUL can be played by a young actress from five to sixteen, so long as RENE is obviously the adult between the two.

  It begins in total darkness. A TV hanging upstage in the air is turned on automatically and the channel is consistently changed. What is heard and seen is a collection of advertisement catch phrases, warnings from a news station, badly acted soap operas, talk shows, etc. The volume increases, and it sounds like multiple TVs have been turned on in the distance. At the peak of this cacophony, everything goes mute.

  A light shines down upon the young woman RENE, who has been lying on the ground asleep as if in HER bed. She is dressed in pajamas.

  RENE is the subconscious creator of this world. SHE is a representation of HER own inability to understand reality and the purpose of existence.

  COGITO, a humanoid painted and clothed completely in white except for an eye symbol on ITs chest, calmly walks into the light and turns off the TV.

  COGITO is the representation of RENE's need to know. Every quest for philosophical achievement is started by this embodied desire.

  IT stares down at RENE, observing HER as one would a dark, mysterious Realism painting. Suddenly, there is the sound of Noh Theatre music, and COGITO changes movements and acts more like a buzzard investigating a wounded friend. IT dances around RENE, stomping IT's feet and slapping IT's fists on the floor, but RENE does not move.

  The music stops, and COGITO pauses. IT stares at RENE, and then leans over HER.

  COGITO

  Why?

  Beat

  COGITO

  Why?

  Beat.

  COGITO

  Why?

  The Noh Theatre music returns, and COGITO returns to dancing.

  COGITO

  Why? (Beat) Why? (Beat) Why? Why? Why? Why?! Why?! Why?! WHY! WHY! WHYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

  The music stops. COGITO leans over RENE's ear.

  COGITO

  Why?

  THE last time the question is asked, RENE's sleep is disturbed. COGITO stands up, turns the TV back on, and exits via acrobatic moves.

  The TV's volume returns and is eventually joined by the other phantom TV's. RENE's sleep continues to get more restless, and SHE wakes HERSELF up with a scream.

  Beat.

  RENE

  Why!

  The TV's turn off. RENE is confused, and stands up to investigate HER surroundings.

  RENE

  Why did I ask that question? Why do I keep asking it? It's not even a real question. "Why?" You have to identify what you're wanting to know before you can know it. I ask a question, and it gets an answer only if the right question can be matched to the correct answer. "Why?" What kind of question is that? It has no meaning. It has no purpose. It's nothing more than a question.

  RENE addresses the audience.

  RENE

  Then why do I keep asking it? Am I expecting it to be answered? Not by me, if I'm the one asking it. But I ask myself "why". Why is that? (Beat.) Maybe I do know the answer...but I don't know that I know the answer. Yeah. That's it. (Beat.) I need to find it. The answer. I-have-to-I-have-to-I-have-to! I can't stand this question over and over again. "Why?" Why me? Why you? Why anybody? Why yes? Why no? Why maybe? Why not? Why! (Beat.) Why? (Beat.)

  The TV turns on and the channels are of a scientific nature: a study of plutonium, the habits of a lab rat, statistics on the growing number of the human population, explanation of the phenomenon of sunspots, etc. As this broadcasts, figures dressed completely in black enter. They bring three items onstage with them: A glass bowl with electrodes on the side of it, a dry eraser board with incomprehensible mathematic formulas scribbled all over it, and a lamp with colored plastic gels lying neatly next to it on a table. Those figures who do not move items dance erratically. RENE does not see any of this.

  The TV turns off, and multi-colored lights flash all over the stage and the sound of a high-energy, techno rock band similar to the likes of Electric Six's "Danger, High Voltage". The black figures stand in a single file line upstage banging their heads in unison and holding up the devil-rock hand sign in the air.

  ANNOUNCER

  (Offstage) And now we bring to you, the rockenest scientist of the known universe, the duke of decibels, the sultan of solutions, the purveyor of power, we...bring...you...TINDAAAAAAL!!!

  TINDAL slides out very suave-like to the center stage. HE is wearing a lab coat that is black plastic with flames on the bottom, HIS hair is a punk version of Albert Einstein's style, and HIS glasses look more like sunglasses for the beach. However, HIS slacks and dress shirt is very bland and neutral.

  TINDAL is the cartoonish mad scientist that one sees in a children's science learning television show. HE's quirky, highly energetic, and totally enthralled by the awesomeness of science.

  TINDAL

  Hello, my devotees! I am Tindal, your doctor.

  SFX: Cheers.

  TINDAL

  Are we ready to science?!

  SFX: Cheers.

  TINDAL

  I saaaaaiiiiiid, "Are we ready to science?!"

  SFX: Cheers.

  TINDAL

  Well then, let's get to it!

  SFX: Cheers.

  TINDAL goes to the chalkboard and begins to write down formulas, the music immediately goes silent, and the black figures awkwardly scoot offstage and exit.

  Beat.

  RENE

  Uhm...Hello, Dr. Tindal? I'm assuming that's who you are.

  TINDAL

  And right you are. You're right! I am the Dr. Tindal. Impressed?

  RENE

  Uhh...I guess so.

  TINDAL

  And what title do you go by?

  RENE

  No title. I'm Rene D'Cart. Nice to meet--

  TINDAL

  Wait! How can I impress you before I show you my work? I'm so silly! Come. Come, come, come.

  TINDAL points to the figures on the chalkboard.

  TINDAL

  You like?

  RENE

  What is it?

  TINDAL

  SCIENCE! It's science. I'll show you. If you take the number one and divide it by three, you get an infinite amount of threes. If you take those threes and multiply it by three, you get one. Only one, and no more. Now, if you take that infinite amount of threes, before you multiplied them, and convert them to binary code, you get an infinity of ones alongside with a third less infinity of zeros. When we takes those zeros and divide them into the o
nes, the ones disappear and all that is left is a whole heap of nothing. Nothing! It's brilliant! You see?

  Beat.

  RENE

  No.

  Beat.

  TINDAL

  Eh.

  TINDAL pushes over the dry eraser board.

  TINDAL

  On to the next experiment.

  RENE

  Why'd you do that?

  TINDAL

  I make it a policy, and I firmly stand by it, if a fact of nature is too complicated to be understood by another human being, it is false. For it is nature who makes us, and if she is beyond our human collective's comprehension, than it is to forever remain to be unknown. Understand?

  RENE

  Not really.

  TINDAL

  Then I no longer believe in it. Let me show you my next experiment.

  TINDAL turns on the device that is a water bowl with electrodes inside it. It sparks a little at the top, and TINDAL is slightly electrocuted.

  RENE

  Oh, no! Are you alright?

  TINDAL

  I'm a doctor of science, not of conjecture or medicine, and any theory of mine about my person health would be presumptuous. When one of those come along, you be sure to point him or her out to me, please? Thank you. Now then, let me explain this one to you. I'm so excited! When the electricity, which is just a fancy name for the transfusion of electrons, enters the water, it diffuses and loses its charge. But what happens to the water if such a charge is continuously lost in the water? Does it eventually become charged too? Does it magnetize and make its most center point a positively charged pole? Does it taste funny?

  TINDAL turns the machine off,