No Touching Read online

  Okay. See you tomorrow.

  LIZA breaks the prideful act for a moment and touches ROBERT’s neck and rubs HER thumb on HIS cheek.

  LIZA

  Thanks.

  ROBERT is too shocked by being touched to respond before LIZA leaves. HE rubs the place on the cheek SHE touched. HE’s almost in a dreamlike state, rubbing the spot with pure joy.

  JAKE shoves the door open and enters in work clothes, startling ROBERT. JAKE notices.

  JAKE

  You doing alright?

  ROBERT

  Uh…yeah. I believe so.

  JAKE

  Good.

  ROBERT leaves to the bathroom to put up the medicine bottle.

  JAKE

  You missed it. I just saw a fine piece of woman walking down the hallway. Man I tell you, if she’d just give me one minute.

  ROBERT (OS)

  What did she look like?

  JAKE

  A slut.

  ROBERT enters.

  ROBERT

  Oh…

  JAKE

  Why are you giving me looks?

  ROBERT

  So how was work?

  JAKE

  How was being sick?

  JAKE undresses. ROBERT realizes that HE’s looking too much and busies HIMSELF by making dinner.

  ROBERT

  Was it a bad day?

  JAKE

  Isn’t every day?

  ROBERT

  I had a good day, today.

  JAKE

  Really?

  ROBERT

  I finished my painting of you. It’s in your bedroom.

  JAKE

  Why’d you put it in there?

  ROBERT

  I didn’t want to chance someone kicking it.

  JAKE

  Put it on a wall.

  ROBERT

  Where?

  JAKE

  Yeah, you’re right.

  JAKE goes into the bedroom. ROBERT ignores HIS meal.

  ROBERT

  I hope you like it.

  JAKE (OS)

  Wha…wow!

  ROBERT

  Really?

  JAKE (OS)

  Yeah, man. This is good! I’ve never looked so sexy in my life.

  ROBERT

  Thank you. It means a lot to me that you like it.

  JAKE (OS)

  Yeah, I do!

  JAKE comes back in the room with comfortable clothes in hand and starts to dress.

  JAKE (CONT.)

  Could have made it a little less gay, but those high-society types probably like that, right?

  ROBERT

  They certainly do.

  JAKE

  I bet they’ll go crazy when they see me half-naked.

  ROBERT

  But you really do like it?

  JAKE

  Sure, but I don’t see anything but myself on a blanket. Am I supposed to see hidden faces or get all emotional?

  ROBERT

  Not necessarily.

  ROBERT pushes the TV dinner table to the side and stands.

  ROBERT (CONT.)

  I painted you, Jake.

  JAKE

  Hah! That’s not me…well, maybe on a good day.

  ROBERT

  I can’t paint what’s not there. Just look at how your muscular, working man’s arms wrap around your perfectly angled face, how your chest expands like a proud warrior, and your eyes show that even your manliness has its softer sides. It’s perfect.

  JAKE looks back into his room.

  JAKE

  Yeah…I guess. Here’s a question. Why’d you paint the sheets red?

  ROBERT

  I don’t know.

  JAKE

  I know you could paint me on a dragon killing a spaceship or whatever, but the only thing you changed was the sheets. Why?

  Beat.

  ROBERT

  Goes well with your eyes.

  JAKE

  Okay.

  JAKE looks in a mirror, combing HIS hair by hand.

  ROBERT

  You’re going to be famous. You know that, right?

  JAKE

  You really think so?

  ROBERT

  I know so. After everyone in LA sees how handsome you are, you’ll have people tearing down our door to see you.

  JAKE

  That would be nice. Have the women chase me for once, right?

  ROBERT

  With you as my model, everyone will want a piece.

  JAKE

  Speaking about that…Robert, let me ask you something.

  ROBERT

  Go ahead.

  ROBERT goes back to HIS meal.

  JAKE

  Do you know a guy named Norman Perry?

  JAKE opens the refrigerator and rummages around.

  ROBERT

  I know of him. He’s a sculptor from California. He moved to LA last month. How do you know that name?

  JAKE gets out a few things and begins to make a big sandwich.

  JAKE

  Shopping at the Health Nut stores again? You can’t grow muscles on tomato soup and soy alone.

  JAKE prepares the sandwich.

  JAKE (CONT.)

  I met him today at the restaurant. He listened to a customer chew me out, and he came up to me and said my gourmet burgers are the best. We talked a bit, told me he sculpted, and I told him I model. You know, since you got me started on it.

  ROBERT

  What did you say?

  ROBERT stops eating.

  JAKE

  What?

  ROBERT stands.

  ROBERT

  Did you accept?

  JAKE

  You got my mind off track. What are you asking?

  ROBERT

  I know he asked you to model for him. Did you?

  JAKE

  I told him I’d think about it.

  ROBERT

  You can’t do it.

  JAKE

  Why not?

  ROBERT

  Because…you’re mine!

  JAKE stops making the sandwich.

  ROBERT (CONT.)

  I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that, but I can’t have you model for the competition before I even have a chance to sell my paintings.

  JAKE

  Why?

  ROBERT

  Because! Who will want my work when they know in three months Perry will have a 3-D model?

  JAKE

  I guess I didn’t think of it like that.

  ROBERT

  He offered you the job when you said my name, didn’t he?

  JAKE

  He did get friendly after I said Robert Griggs.

  JAKE munches on the sandwich.

  ROBERT

  You see! That’s what he wants. He wants to ruin me.

  JAKE

  Hey, don’t get overheated.

  ROBERT

  This arrogant, no-talent sculptor thinks he can get the best of me?

  JAKE

  Robert, chill!

  ROBERT

  Don’t do it.

  JAKE

  I haven’t said ‘yes’ yet.

  ROBERT

  I’ll pay you more.

  JAKE

  For modeling? You don’t pay me at all. You let me live here for free.

  ROBERT

  I’ll start paying you.

  JAKE

  You can afford it?

  ROBERT

  Yes, but don’t work for anyone else until I’m through. Promise?

  JAKE

  Okay. I’ll work only for you. Cool?

  Beat.

  JAKE (CONT.)

  Cool. How much you going to pay me?

  ROBERT

  A hundred dollars a painting.

  JAKE

  …two hundred.

  ROBERT

  Deal.

  JAKE licks some mustard off a finger and then holds out the hand.

  JAKE
<
br />   Shake on it?

  ROBERT stares at JAKES hand for a moment, then goes ahead and shakes.

  JAKE (CONT.)

  Yeah, if you’re willing to touch my hand, then I know you’re good for it. Here, you take this.

  JAKE looks through his work pants and gives a business card to ROBERT.

  JAKE (CONT.)

  He gave it to me. Has his phone number on the back. Wait, you’re not going to call him with your business voice, are you?

  ROBERT

  No, I won’t do that to you. You’re my best friend, Jake.

  JAKE

  Cool. You’re mine too.

  ROBERT

  Want to go out again?

  JAKE

  Not tonight. Those Asian chicks’ plane got delayed, so they’re staying here again. I’m not passing up a second chance to lose my load.

  ROBERT

  Okay.

  JAKE

  I’ll call you if we finish early, okay?

  ROBERT

  I’ll be here.

  JAKE goes into the bedroom.

  JAKE (OS)

  Did you see where I put my lucky shirt?

  ROBERT

  No.

  JAKE comes back with another shirt in hand with the other still holding the sandwich.

  JAKE

  Weren’t you looking at it last?

  ROBERT

  I put it back down.

  JAKE

  I’ll catch you later.

  ROBERT

  Goodbye.

  JAKE leaves. ROBERT waits a second, then takes out the “lucky shirt” from a hiding place. HE then puts it on, takes out the business card, and calls the number.

  ROBERT (CONT.)

  Is this Norman Perry?...Is this Norman Perry?...You know damn well who this is, trying to move in on my model!...Yes, you do!...I don’t care what you promise him, you’ll never take him from me, do you understand? …I will ruin you…Yeah, there won’t be a gallery in LA willing to put up your trash after I’m through with you. Do you understand me?...Did you just…?

  ROBERT hangs up the phone.

  END ACT I, SCENE IV

  ACT I, SCENE V

  ROBERT’s apartment.

  SFX: banging on front door.

  LIZA (OS)

  Hey Robert, let me in. It’s Liza.

  ROBERT yells from the bathroom.

  ROBERT (OS)

  Who is it?

  LIZA (OS)

  It’s Liza! Open up!

  SFX: knocking on front door.

  LIZA opens the door and enters.

  LIZA (CONT.)

  Robert, where hell are you?

  LIZA searches the other rooms.

  SFX: banging on bathroom door.

  LIZA (OS)

  Robert, we need to talk!

  ROBERT (OS)

  I’m in the process of something right now. I’ll be out in a moment.

  LIZA walks back into the main room.

  SFX: a toilet flushing.

  ROBERT enters adjusting HIS shirt.

  ROBERT

  Why are you here? I didn’t call for you.

  LIZA

  First, I have a question, and seeing how you answer it, I have another.

  ROBERT

  Okay.

  LIZA

  You’re not doing something stupid like falling in love with me, are you?

  ROBERT

  What? Why would you…I…

  LIZA

  Oh, so you don’t have feelings for me? Then why’d you send me that painting? In fact, how’d you get my address?

  ROBERT

  I paid one of your friends to tell me.

  LIZA

  Was it April?

  ROBERT

  I don’t know.

  LIZA

  Little crack momma! Too messed up in the head, telling strangers where I live.

  ROBERT

  Are you mad?

  LIZA

  Answer my question first! Are you falling in love?

  ROBERT

  No, no, no, no. I promise.

  LIZA

  Second question: why’d you send me that painting?

  ROBERT

  I sent it because…I like it too much to sell it, but I still want someone I liked to have it.

  LIZA

  Sounds like love to me.

  ROBERT

  I promise. If I keep it all to myself, then no one else can appreciate it.

  LIZA

  That the truth?

  ROBERT

  Yes, I swear.

  Beat.

  LIZA

  It’s pretty.

  ROBERT

  Is it?

  LIZA

  Why wouldn’t it be? You’re one of those quiet genius types. Anything you make has to be good.

  ROBERT

  You really like it?

  LIZA

  That’s what I’m saying. I get gifts from customers everyday; candy, lotions, stuffed animals…but only through Arny. He’s my manager.

  ROBERT

  Manager?

  LIZA

  Anyway, I get lots of stuff men buy from stores, but this is the first thing that someone made. How did you paint that?

  ROBERT

  I’ve been painting for a while. It’s my career. Here, look.

  ROBERT gets a photo book and flips through the pages to show off his works.

  LIZA

  Are these all yours?

  ROBERT

  Yes. This one took me a whole year to paint, but it’s one of my more famous works.

  LIZA

  That’s…beautiful.

  ROBERT

  Thank you.

  ROBERT turns a page.

  ROBERT (CONT.)

  This one sold for the most, but I think it was because of the sexual appeal rather than the meaning behind it.

  LIZA

  How did you make her look so happy?

  ROBERT

  Happy? I guess I can see happy. Hmm.

  ROBERT turns a page.

  ROBERT (CONT.)

  This one I gave away to a friend of mine. He forces everyone who enters his house look at it for no less than one whole minute. I wish he’d stop that.

  LIZA looks up at the paintings on the wall.

  LIZA

  Are those yours too?

  ROBERT

  No. Those were gifts.

  LIZA

  From who?

  ROBERT

  Fellow artists.

  LIZA

  How much are they worth?

  ROBERT

  Probably a few thousand each.

  LIZA looks back at the book in ROBERT’s hands.

  LIZA

  And yours?

  ROBERT

  The money isn’t why I do it.

  LIZA

  I don’t know if I should take your painting, Robert.

  ROBERT

  Why not?

  LIZA

  Because we’ve only been together twice and didn’t do it. I wouldn’t feel bad if you got your freak on, but all you want to do is talk!

  ROBERT

  I like talking to you.

  Beat.

  LIZA

  I know what we’ll do. I’ll keep the painting, and you don’t pay me for next week. Fair?

  ROBERT

  It is a gift, not a payment.

  LIZA

  You spend more than two hundred making it? And add labor, too.

  ROBERT

  Probably, yes. But-

  LIZA

  -then it’s done. Okay?

  ROBERT

  But I don’t mind paying you. I don’t need the money.

  LIZA

  What, you think I do?

  ROBERT

  No, I’m not saying-

  LIZA

  -You think I’m some poor tramp just scraping along in life?

  ROBERT

  No.

  LIZA

  I live bett
er than most women my age and do a hell of a lot less for it. I don’t need your charity!

  ROBERT

  It’s not that. I don’t have anyone to spend money on. I don’t have family or close friends to give it to, so why is it a problem that I spend it on you?

  LIZA

  Robert, I’m no one. Save your money on that special someone you’ll find someday.

  ROBERT puts the book away.

  LIZA (CONT.)

  I do like it.

  ROBERT

  What do you like about it?

  LIZA

  I like the guy in it.

  ROBERT

  How so?

  LIZA

  I don’t know, the way he looks. It’s sexy. I like men with muscles.

  ROBERT

  So do I.

  LIZA gives ROBERT a look.

  ROBERT

  Elaborate muscle structures are more fun to paint.

  LIZA

  The way he’s on that bed, knowing something’s going to happen. It gives me chills.

  ROBERT