No Touching Read online

  ROBERT

  No, let go!

  JAKE

  Stop acting crazy and let’s get out of here.

  ROBERT pulls back hard and hits the wall. HE stays still.

  JAKE (CONT.)

  Oh sh…You okay?

  Beat.

  JAKE (CONT.)

  Robert, are you okay?

  ROBERT

  I’m fine, Jake.

  JAKE

  Look man, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pull you so hard.

  ROBERT sits up and rubs HIS head.

  ROBERT

  I’ll be okay. It was my fault, don’t feel bad.

  JAKE leans down and takes a good looks at ROBERT’s head without touching HIM.

  JAKE

  You sure you’re okay?

  ROBERT

  Yes. Go.

  JAKE

  I…I can’t leave you like this.

  ROBERT

  Just go. I’ll be fine.

  JAKE

  No, we…we can have a fun night! You know, you and me. Since you’re painting naked pictures of me now, I’d feel funny if we couldn’t hang out together, you know?

  ROBERT

  Really?

  JAKE

  Yeah. We can do that. You have a place in mind?

  ROBERT gets off the floor.

  ROBERT

  Not really.

  JAKE

  That’s okay. We’ll go to a theater. I hear there’s a new cowboy movie. It’s supposed to be good.

  ROBERT

  Okay. I can go see that.

  JAKE

  Good. I’ll call the guys and tell them I’m not coming.

  JAKE gets a cell phone out and dials.

  JAKE (CONT.)

  Hey, Bill….Yeah, yeah, yeah, got everybody to go with us, huh? Hey listen, I’m not going to make it tonight…No, something else came up…I know I set the whole thing up, but I’ve got better stuff to do…Personal stuff…Well that’s how it is. I’ll see you tomorrow. Hey, get yourself into a three-way for me, will you?...Yeah, you know it!

  JAKE puts the phone away.

  ROBERT

  Are your friends angry?

  JAKE

  Who cares? They’re all a bunch of drunks anyway. Hell, so am I. I’m going to change. No sense in wearing a good shirt if it’s not ending up on some woman’s floor in the morning. Am I right or what?

  ROBERT

  You’re right.

  JAKE takes off the shirt and casually throws it on the ground. HE leaves to the rented bedroom.

  JAKE (OS)

  You changing too?

  ROBERT picks up the shirt.

  ROBERT

  Why?

  JAKE (OS)

  Going out in public in your painting clothes? Really? When you hang out with me, you do it in style.

  ROBERT picks up the shirt and examines it with awe. JAKE enters and watches a while before interrupting.

  JAKE

  Like that shirt, do you?

  ROBERT

  What? Yes, I do.

  JAKE

  One of my favorites.

  ROBERT

  I see you wear it a lot.

  JAKE

  It’s my lucky shirt. I’m surprised it’s not stained yet.

  ROBERT throws the shirt back down.

  ROBERT

  Are we going?

  JAKE

  Hold on, hold on. We don’t even know when the movie is showing.

  ROBERT

  Nine at the Cinema Stage.

  JAKE

  How do you know?

  ROBERT

  I read the papers.

  JAKE

  For movie times?

  ROBERT

  I watch movies.

  JAKE

  Alone?

  ROBERT

  Not tonight. You’ll be with me.

  JAKE

  Well, if you get any sorrier, I might have to ditch you. Just kidding. I would never do that to you. So…you going to change or not?

  ROBERT

  No. You know, this could be seen as a fashion statement.

  JAKE

  Yeah, sure it could. Let’s go.

  JAKE and ROBERT leave.

  END ACT I, SCENE II

  ACT I, SCENE III

  SFX: water from a sink running, then stopping.

  ROBERT walks onstage, dries HIS hands on a towel, squirts some sanitizer on them, and looks at the blank canvas on the easel. HE is pondering what next to paint, pacing back and forth, studying the white square, and then HE gets an idea. HE squirts out paints on a palette, mixes them, and dabs a paint brush in it. HE poises the brush over the canvas and almost strokes the brush when HIS phone rings.

  SFX: phone ringing.

  HE looks at the number and panics. HE puts the brush down, sits, and clears HIS throat before speaking and acting feminine (not a parody voice, but a natural one).

  ROBERT

  Hello, Emily….okay. Hello, mom. How are you doing?...uh-hu….uh-hu…That was nice of you… Business is good…Yes, my portraits still sell the best…I don’t know. I guess I never liked nature enough to see it as beautiful…I wasn’t an active child. You know that. Why did you call?

  ROBERT sees HIMSELF in a mirror and quickly turns away.

  ROBERT (CONT.)

  …I’m not sure when that’s going to be possible. I’m in the middle of a big project right now, and my manager keeps finding buyers, so I…It’s how I make money. I can’t take a day off whenever I feel like it…I actually do have friends…Jake…Yes, a boy. He’s pretty cool. We went to see a movie last Saturday…No, it’s not like that …I think it’s too soon to ask him to meet my parents. I’ve also made friends with a girl named Liza….

  HE has to take a moment to keep from getting angry.

  ROBERT (CONT.)

  …She’s a girl and a friend, if that’s what you mean…Maybe…Well then I’ll make that mistake… This is my life, Emily, and I’ll live it how I want!

  ROBERT immediately realizes the outburst was a mistake.

  ROBERT (CONT.)

  …I’m sorry. I’m sorry!...No, I don’t want to talk to James-excuse me, Dad….Don’t…Hey, dad. How’s business…Yes, I said that…No. What I’m doing now is easier…Maybe it would be easier for the both of you if you’d stop asking me to be what I’m not…If you don’t call, you won’t hear about it…I am happy…You have no idea who I am.

  ROBERT hangs up.

  Beat.

  ROBERT gets a couple of tubes and spreads their paint out on another palate. HE gets a big brush, mixes the paints with it, and frantically paints the canvass a dark red. HE stands in front of the painting breathing erratically and clenching HIS fists.

  ROBERT

  Leave me alone!

  ROBERT pushes the easel over and walks out the door.

  END ACT I, SCENE III

  ACT I, SCENE IV

  LIZA enters ROBERT’s apartment and puts down a groccery bag, waiting for HIM to follow.

  ROBERT (OS)

  Please, don’t touch me!

  Realizing ROBERT’s not following, SHE goes back out. THEY enter together, with ROBERT carrying three more bags.

  LIZA

  What happened?

  ROBERT

  I’m fine. Thank you for helping me with my groceries.

  ROBERT puts his bag down by the first.

  LIZA

  You’re welcome. Why’d you freaked out when that man tried to help you?

  ROBERT

  I have nothing personal against Mr. Fielding, but…I have a low immune system and I try to keep from getting sick. I’ve told him this too, but he doesn’t care.

  LIZA

  Why is your immune system low?

  ROBERT

  I don’t know. Always has been. If I keep from touching people, then I don’t get sick.

  LIZA

  That’s no way to live, fearing everyone’s going to g
ive you a disease.

  ROBERT

  It happens.

  LIZA

  If you’re so afraid, then why do you buy escorts?

  ROBERT gets the brown bag and pulls out a medicine bottle to sort what else is in the three bags.

  ROBERT

  I’m always careful to not be touched.

  LIZA

  You don’t have anything to worry about from me. I’ll still keep my distance.

  LIZA picks up a bottle and starts reading.

  ROBERT

  Don’t touch that!

  ROBERT grabs for the medicine, but LIZA jumps back.

  LIZA

  Why? You saying I’m not clean?

  ROBERT

  No, that’s not it at all.

  ROBERT grabs at the bottle, but LIZA pulls HER hand back.

  LIZA

  I wrap every man I ride and get tested every month. Don’t you tell me I’m not clean!

  ROBERT

  I didn’t say that!

  LIZA

  Then what are you saying?

  ROBERT

  I don’t know. I apologize for insulting you. However, I need my medicine back. It’s personal.

  LIZA hands the medicine bottle over to ROBERT. HE puts it into a coat pocket.

  LIZA

  Pay me for today. Up front this time.

  ROBERT

  Alright.

  ROBERT takes out the money from a wallet. LIZA takes it.

  LIZA

  So…you want to be the sick little boy momma needs to nurse back to health? Or do you want to talk more?

  ROBERT puts the other groceries into the refrigerator and cabinets.

  ROBERT

  What was your day like?

  LIZA

  If you have to know, I’m tired.

  ROBERT

  What did you do?

  LIZA

  I did a customer who likes to spank me, and he—

  ROBERT laughs.

  ROBERT

  --He likes you to spank you?

  LIZA

  He gets off on it. I don’t know why. I don’t have to know. He pays… big.

  ROBERT

  What does he do for a living?

  LIZA

  He’s a customer. Does it matter?

  ROBERT

  Does he have a job where he’s treated like an inferior? Does he have a wife who makes him feel worthless?

  LIZA

  He pays well, and I’m not giving out names so you can go tell everyone.

  ROBERT

  I wouldn’t do that.

  LIZA

  You keep asking me things like that, and I’ll walk out this room right now with your money.

  ROBERT

  No, please don’t!

  LIZA

  Then you better apologize to me right now.

  ROBERT

  I’m sorry. I’m very, very sorry. I won’t interrupt you again.

  LIZA

  Good! Now where was I?

  ROBERT

  He likes to spank you.

  LIZA

  Yeah, that’s right. So anyway, before you interrupted, he has me strip down, put on a bunch of S&M stuff, and he spanks me with whips and paddles for like an hour.

  ROBERT

  Do you like it?

  LIZA

  Do I look like a freak? No! Every time I go through with it, I can’t sit down for the rest of the day. Pulling tricks after that is impossible. I usually go home.

  ROBERT

  Why did you come over when I called?

  LIZA

  Seeing how last week went, I figured if you did want to screw, it wouldn’t be that long.

  ROBERT

  Oh…

  LIZA

  And I guess I like talking to you. It’s kind of nice knowing not all men are perverts.

  ROBERT

  I’d never touch you like that.

  LIZA

  No, but I bet now you’re picturing me bending over and letting some old, fat man spanking the hell out of me.

  ROBERT

  No.

  LIZA

  Whatever. I shouldn’t have told you about it.

  LIZA tries to sit down faced way from ROBERT, but the pain forces HER to stand up.

  LIZA (CONT.)

  It’s not like I’m proud or anything.

  ROBERT

  You weren’t forcibly beaten. It was a business deal. If you didn’t want to do it, you’d walk away.

  LIZA

  Yeah. So?

  ROBERT

  So you’re not the type of person who allows others to oppress her. If anything, your charade is so good that you tricked your customer into thinking that you are weak. It’s kind of impressive if you think about it.

  LIZA

  I guess so. Thanks.

  ROBERT

  You’re welcome-

  SFX: ROBERT’s cell phone rings.

  ROBERT checks the ID.

  ROBERT (CONT.)

  I’m sorry. I have to take this.

  ROBERT answers the phone.

  ROBERT (CONT.)

  What did they say, Harriet?...Yes, hello, good day, now what was their offer?...And you didn’t make them go higher?...So what if they can get a Donny Hinkle?...Ever since he went to prison, people think he’s an artist….look, if they want to pay for a water-color by Hitler, that’s their business. Your business is to get my asking price, not theirs!...Fine, fine, whatever. It’s coming out of your commission….I can do that, and I am doing that.

  ROBERT hangs up the phone.

  ROBERT (CONT.)

  I’m sorry.

  LIZA

  Look at the big man on the phone. ‘Taking care of business’.

  ROBERT

  I have to be like that, or they walk all over me. I’m not really like that. It’s just a cover.

  LIZA

  You should be like that all the time. I bet people would respect you.

  ROBERT

  Yeah, respect. That’s exactly what I need.

  LIZA

  …So how experienced are you?

  ROBERT

  At what?

  LIZA

  Sex.

  ROBERT

  Oh, uh…well…

  LIZA

  Yes?

  ROBERT collects the tubes of oil paints from the bottom of one of the brown bags.

  ROBERT

  Some.

  LIZA

  Some?

  ROBERT

  Yes.

  ROBERT checks the colors and organizes the tubes in with the rest of HIS selection, throwing away the empty ones.

  LIZA

  And you’re not needing more? Say, right now with me?

  ROBERT

  I like what we’re doing, now.

  LIZA

  Talking?

  ROBERT

  Yes.

  LIZA

  You ever have a girlfriend?

  ROBERT goes silent and turns away from LIZA.

  LIZA (CONT.)

  Now you don’t want to talk?

  ROBERT

  Not about that.

  LIZA

  Why not?

  ROBERT

  I don’t.

  LIZA

  Did she cheat on you?

  ROBERT

  Yes.

  LIZA

  I’m sorry. With someone you knew?

  ROBERT

  She didn’t…it wasn’t about sex. She didn’t care about me anymore.

  LIZA

  How long ago was that?

  ROBERT

  A year and five months.

  LIZA

  But you’re moving on. That’s why I’m here.

  ROBERT

  I guess.

  LIZA

  I could help you move on faster. I could move you on and on all night if you ask.

  ROBERT

  This is fine. Thank you.

  LIZA

  Whatever
. So what else do you want to hear?

  LIZA tries to sit down on the edge of the chair, but the pain forces HER to stand right back up.

  ROBERT

  Actually, could you go home?

  LIZA

  What? You already paid me. You can’t—

  ROBERT

  --I don’t want a refund. Go home and heal. We can continue this tomorrow.

  LIZA tries to read ROBERT.

  LIZA

  Why?

  ROBERT

  I…don’t…feel like talking right now. I just remembered I have some showcase dates to confirm with my manager. It’ll take a long time, and I don’t want to waste my money.

  LIZA rubs HER butt.

  LIZA

  You’re not doing this out of charity, right?

  ROBERT

  No. In fact, I’ll pay you another hundred tomorrow to make up for taking your time. Is that fair?

  LIZA

  …yeah, but don’t waste my time anymore. I’m a working woman, and I can’t keep moving my schedule all around for you.

  ROBERT