BothAnd Page 3
ZSUZSANNA
Like me!
RENE
But I've never played the drums before. I've never played any instrument before.
ZSUZSANNA
The drums are our hearts. Feel the beat in your breasts. Hit the drums with your spirit.
RENE looks at the drum sticks, stretches HER arms a little, and then hits the drums like a toddler hits a pot.
Beat.
RENE
Like that?
ZSUZSANNA rushes to RENE and roars loudly, like a warning sign that ZSUZSANNA might eat RENE. RENE screams and hits the drums like ZSUZSANNA was before.
ZSUZSANNA
Good! Good! You feel your spirit rise now. It flows through your body.
The music returns, and ZSUZSANNA dances a Dance of Summoning, perhaps trying to tempting a tigress spirit to enter HER body. The black figures return without the fruit, but dance as they had before. ZSUZSANNA fights with the invisible spirit, aggressively dancing out the act of two feline spirits at odds with each other. At the peak of the song and dancing and just before ZSUZSANNA is the victor of the fight, RENE drops the sticks out of exhaustion. The music and dancing stops immediately.
Beat.
RENE
I can't. I can't drum anymore. You're going too fast for me.
ZSUZSANNA
You cockroach! You sewer rat! You stupid pigeon! You disgrace the spirits with your weakness!
ZSUZSANNA growls, and the black figures run away.
RENE
Stop calling me names! It's not nice.
ZSUZSANNA runs to RENE for the attack, but RENE holds up the drumsticks for protection.
RENE
Stay back, or I'll...
ZSUZSANNA
You'll what, little city girl?
RENE
You know what!
ZSUZSANNA
Is there a warrior in you? There is in me. There is animal in me. There is spirit in me. I am woman, daughter of Mother Earth. You will not stop me!
ZSUZSANNA roars at RENE, and RENE drops the drumsticks. RENE runs away, but ZSUZSANNA knocks HER down to the ground.
ZSUZSANNA
(to the Venus Idol) Mother Earth, I return her to your warm womb.
ZSUZSANNA pulls a knife from HER skirt. RENE screams and ZSUZSANNA lifts HER arm.
TINDAL
(offstage) Halt in the name of progress!
TINDAL enters along with the LEMONADE SALESMAN. TINDAL is holding a tazer inspired by science fiction artwork, and the LEMONADE SALESMAN holds the oversized battery connected to it.
ANNOUNCER
(offstage) And another appearance by the wonderous Tindaaaaaaal!
TINDAL
I say Halt, you...you...rustic, discourteous priestess of an oppressed culture!
LEMONADE SALESMAN
Ohhhhh, he got you there! What-what!
ZSUZSANNA growls at TINDAL
TINDAL
I say reverse yourself!
TINDAL waves the tazer at ZSUZSANNA, and SHE backs away from RENE. RENE stands up.
RENE
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
TINDAL
Have your lower appendages been damaged in any way?
RENE
What?
LEMONADE SALESMAN
Can you run?!
RENE
Yes! Yes, I can run.
LEMONADE SALESMAN
Then you better do it now!
TINDAL
Post haste!
LEMONADE SALESMAN
Here. You'll need this.
LEMONADE SALESMAN hands RENE a lemon.
RENE
A lemon?
LEMONADE SALESMAN
Just don't squeeze it until you get to the can.
RENE
A can?
TINDAL
No time to give explanations. Run, Ms. Rene. Run! Run like the--
RENE
You mean, Ms. D'Cart.
LEMONADE SALESMAN
Just run!
RENE puts the lemon in HER pocket, turns around, and runs in place. TINDAL and the LEMONADE SALESMAN chase ZSUZSANNA with the tazer, and THEY exit.
LEMONADE SALESMAN
(Offstage) Owww!
TINDAL
(Offstage) No, my good friend! Don't flee the scene!
LEMONADE SALESMAN runs back onstage with the battery still in hand and exits the other side of the stage.
TINDAL
(Offstage) It doesn't function without the battery! Come ba--
ZSUZSANNA roars offstage. TINDAL runs onstage with tazer in hand.
TINDAL
Wooooo!
ZSUZSANNA runs after TINDAL, and THEY exit the other side of the stage.
The stage goes dark, except for a single white light that shines down on RENE. SHE stops running and catches HER breath.
Beat.
RENE is rested and looks around.
RENE
Hello? Hello? Where am I?
RENE checks one side of the stage.
RENE
Hello?
RENE checks the other side of the stage.
RENE
Hello?
RENE returns to the spotlight and faces the audience.
RENE
I don't understand. Where'd they go? I didn't want them to go, but they left me. What can I do? Should I look for others? Should I answer my question? Should I even ask it anymore? Would knowing the answer satisfy the need to ask the question? (Half-beat) Would it? (Half-beat) What if I knew the answer and didn't like it? What's the point? Is there one? Am I--
COGITO appears from the darkness and grabs the top of RENE's head, freezing them in place. The Noh Theatre music returns, the scenery lighting is turned up just a little, and the black figures come back and take away the tropical plants, drums and drumsticks, and the Venus idol and stand. The black figures exit, and the stage lights dim again, leaving COGITO and RENE in the spotlight. COGITO releases RENE's head and disappears into the darkness.
RENE
Why? Why? (whsipers) Why? (Beat.) I have to know.
The TV turns on and the channels are of a religious nature: the Pope speaking to the masses, a survivor of a travesty speaking about angels, religious relics on sale on the Home Shopping Channel, church members dancing with the "spirit" in them. The black figures enter from both sides of the stage in single-file line.
They are wearing blue and white choir robes, and two carry in a soap box and set it down between the two lines.
The TV turns off, and the stage is lit up with the blue sky and sunshine found in any church on a Sunday morning. Music similar to the Southern Calif. 4th Jurisdiction Choir's "I've Been Running For Jesus For A Long Time" starts, and the black figures dance and slap their hands as if they're actually singing the song. RENE watches the black figures silently. Two more black figures holding a bench enter the stage, and they sit it down for RENE to rest on.
PROF. LEXATHOR
(Offstage) Can I hear a "Thank You"?
SFX: A crowd's "Thank You" as if it came from the black figures.
PROF. LEXATHOR
(Offstage) I said, Can I hear a "Thank You"?
SFX: Black figures say "Thank You".
PROF. LEXATHOR
(Offstage) Alright, I think it's time for me to shout from the golden book again, don't you think so?
SFX: Black figures say "Yes, it is!".
PROF. LEXATHOR
(Offstage) Alright, alright, alright! I'm coming for 'ya!
ANNOUNCER
All you confused and lost minds, please put your hands together for the honorable, wise, generous, Proooofessor.Leeeeeeeexathoooooor!
The music returns, and PROF. LEXATHOR enters dancing, focusing all HIS movement in HIS legs. HE's wearing a blue and white robe with a gold unintelligible symbol etched into the front and back, HE wears expensive black dress shoes and has a gold watch on HIS wrist, and HE
holds a large gold book in HIS hand.
PROF. LEXATHOR is the upbeat, spirit-filled Southern preacher that preaches underneath a tent in the middle of a field, bringing hope to the incredibly hopeless...and doing a good job at it.
While HE is dancing, TINDAL enters the stage and sits beside RENE. A little after that, ZSUZSANNA enters and sits on the opposite side of RENE. THEY are all watching with intense and silent curiosity.
After dancing for a little bit, the music goes away except for low organ music that plays throughout HIS professions.
PROF. LEXATHOR
Whoo! All that goodness running through my body is giving me the sweats. (to RENE) How about you?
Beat.
RENE
I'm not sure? Maybe?
PROF. LEXATHOR
That's what I like to hear. Do not commit, unless you can admit your lack of whit.
PROF. LEXATHOR dances again, the music returns, and the black figures dance once more. Then, HE stops dancing, and everything goes silent again.
PROF. LEXATHOR
Now, now. We must calm down, and keep some of our wisdom intact. Otherwise, we won't comprehend a single thing I say. As always, I will read from the Book of 10,000 Rules of Living Harmoniously to my congregation of like-minded fellows, and we will rejoice in the structure it brings to our lives. Are you ready?
SFX: A singing crowd's "Yes, we are!" as if it came from the black figures.
ZSUZSANNA and TINDAL
Yes, we are!
PROF. LEXATHOR
I can't hear you!
SFX: Black figures sing "Yes, we are!".
ZSUZSANNA and TINDAL
Yes, we are!
PROF. LEXATHOR
I, your leader, Professor Lexathor, will not read these wonderful laws of living, unless I can feel your need for them. Now, are you ready?!
SFX: Black figures sing "Yes, we are!".
ZSUZSANNA and TINDAL
Yes, we are!
The music returns, and the black figures