The Great Carbuncle Read online

CHILLINGWORTH

  Doctor, you too?

  CACAPHODEL

  I'm not so convinced that it exists myself, but if it does, such a gem should go under heavy scientific observation and experiments. I would cut the Great Carbuncle into microscopic pieces and use them as a blueprint for replicating the gem's unusual properties.

  JOHN

  You'd cut it up?!

  The air becomes even colder than before, to the point of freezing.

  CACAPHODEL

  For the benefit of mankind.

  HANNAH

  What would you do with it, professor?

  CHILLINGWORTH

  I wouldn't do anything with the Great Carbuncle, because-no, doctor, I wouldn't leave it on the ground like a simpleton, because there is no such thing as the Great Carbuncle! It's a myth. A story. A lie. The sooner we all realize that, the better off we'll be.

  Beat.

  HANNAH

  What if we do find it? On this trip, all of us? Together.

  CHILLINGWORTH

  It's impossible.

  HANNAH

  It's not impossible. Is it, Seeker?

  SEEKER

  It's always possible.

  CACAPHODEL

  If we do find it, then it would be reasonable to agree to share the Great Carbuncle. However, I'd accept my share as a portion of the gem.

  DE VERE

  As would I.

  JOHN

  You guys don't know what you're saying. If you cut up something as beautiful and pure as the Great Carbuncle, who knows what will happen? It's not good karma.

  DE VERE

  Karma or not, I'll agree to an equal shares deal. John, you'll simply have to obtain inspiration from a shard.

  JOHN

  It's still wrong.

  HANNAH

  Good. We all agree to share it. No complaining about it later.

  DE VERE

  And what about the professor? Will he agree to this pact, or will his greed overcome him in a flash of revelation when looking upon the mythic stone he's so determined to discredit?

  CHILLINGWORTH

  I will not agree to this pact, because it's inconsequential. For there is not, nor was there ever a Great Carbuncle!

  Enter PIGGSNORTO.

  PIGGSNORTO

  Jeez! Who pissed off Old Man Winter?

  PIGGSNORTO is handed the bag of hotdogs, and HE impales one on a hanger and holds it over the propane heater.

  SEEKER

  Looks like it might rain, and if that happens, this trip is over.

  PIGGSNORTO

  What? Who are you to say that?

  SEEKER

  Who am I? You ever try walkin' up an ice-cube mountain? I tell you now, it ain't as fun as it sounds! Anyhow, that bridge your new path had us cross isn't meant for this world too much longer. That thing gets a good freeze on it, and it'll fall to pieces.

  MATTHEW

  Listen to the man. He's the guide, after all.